Lessons From a Pouf

This morning, I took her to church at 7:30 am to board a bus to go to a week long spiritual retreat. We were preparing to leave this morning, loading the car, signing release forms, making sure we had everything…and then out the door we went. We were unloading at the church and she asked if I grabbed the release form…to which my mouth dropped open and said oh no!!! I said I would run home and get it. We live close so I knew it wouldn’t take long.

When I got home, I was rushing to run in the house and upon getting out of the car, my knee caught this blue puff and detached it from the key chain…stretching the elastic cord and ultimately breaking it. The rings that attached were pulled apart and formed into a different shape–and because my mind never quits, I paused.

I thought of my beautiful one…and my handsome one (my son)…and how they have grown and are stretching more and more away from me and becoming their own. I remembered sitting in a counselors office two years ago–a very Godly counselors office, praise God!–and Elle was expressing she wanted more freedom. I have to admit, I was a little panicked because I didn’t think Elle had proven responsible in some areas, namely school.

Over the years, we have had times I thought one of us wouldn’t survive and I was pretty sure it was going to be me!! LOL!! She has pushed limits and stretched me (with God’s help) into a better person. She has had times she has made decisions neither of us were super proud of, but she was honest about her choices and has learned and grown because of them–and I am proud of that!!

So this day, she said, “mom, I’m a good kid and I want more freedom.” I looked at the counselor and explained that Elle had just not done so well in her final semester grades. I knew that couldn’t be changed now…but i expressed my concern was that she wouldn’t get her credits to graduate. The counselor calmly looked at me and said, “What if she doesn’t?”

It was a reality check for me as sat stunned for a second. What IF she doesn’t? It’s not the end of the world.

She went on to say…you are not in here with her when she sees me but I see you and your instruction allllllll over her. She knows right from wrong, she knows what she should do and it’s time to let go. You are basically done with the exception of some guidance here and there.

I was in shock. How could I be done? Elle had just turned 16 at the time. She went on to say, this is God’s design…that at this age, our children begin to pull away and make their own lives and it’s adjustment for all involved. She also said, that we often prevent our children from learning and growing in life’s lessons because we hover and protect. I trusted the counselor and I knew she spoke truth.

From that day forward, I didn’t concern myself with Elle’s grades or credits to graduate again…I released it to God knowing IF she didn’t graduate, the world would not come to an end. And guess what? Elle began being more responsible with her grades and school work–and even made honor roll!

So…staring at this little blue pom pom breaking away from the keychain…on the morning I was taking her to the church to be away from me for a week…was such a picture for me. The fancy pouf is still in tact…but it was stretched away from it’s original attachment and in the process, some things were reshaped. With regard to our lives, in the tension, in the trials, in the breaking–very good things are usually happening.

What a beautiful picture of God and what He does with us…leaving our old life behind, stepping out in faith for a new adventure, and even our children pulling away and becoming who they were created to be.

As I was driving to retrieve the release form, my beautiful one called me and informed me if I didn’t want to come back to the church, that she could sign her own form because she is now 18. She… is…18…another reality check to start my day.

The verse we all quote as parents is “train up a child in the way they should go…and when they are old, they will not depart from it (Proverbs 22:6)

A couple words I have glazed over without thought are “when they are old”. It’s like God is letting us know, they may cut up in the meantime…but when they are old they will not depart 🙂

The other word is “go”. Go means to leave, to travel, to depart, to move from one place to another. This is God’s plan, for them to go, for them to travel and have their own journey. I know, I know, it’s a knife in the heart as a parent–we believed they were ours to keep. But they are not, they are His…train them in the way they should GO. We have to let them go, we have to let them explore and make mistakes and do their own thing. You and I both know, if we are honest, it’s how we learn. And if we are honest, we rarely took the leisure of learning from someone else’s mistakes–we had to make our own.

Their journey won’t be perfect and neither is ours. Their journey won’t be without suffering and neither is ours. And just like they key chain, they will be stretched and broken and even formed into different shapes…they will transform and it will be beautiful. 
I love you Miss Elle!

written 7.18