Controlling behavior makes its appearance in different fashions. We may blatantly ignore boundaries, orchestrate life and events which may be ours to do or not, state our opinions and beliefs in a manner that ignores anyone else’s or maybe even be so self absorbed that the consideration of anyone else’s ideas, schedule, priorities or otherwise never truly enters our minds. If we inhabit these characteristics, it can be surmised that we are zero fun to be around and certainly challenging to endure in a relationship of any kind.
Our controlling can be displayed in more subtle ways such as undermining plans and ideas of others. Maybe we have the ability to give others something they desperately want and intentionally withhold for the thrill of power. The silent treatment, being intentionally uncooperative, even minimizing others and/or their passions or concerns can be ways in which we strive to have the upper hand. These are all attempts to convince ourselves we are the decider of all things executed and we deem not only what is important for us, but for all others as well. What a power trip, what a scheme of the enemy to convince us this is the best option for us to get our way, to protect ourselves from circumstances unknown, to pump us full of arrogance that what we think and what we want are really all that matters, not only to us–but to everyone around us. I mean really, how absurd is that?
And as if this strategy weren’t ridiculous enough,the enemy can even convince us to label this leadership, or worse yet–servanthood. If we are honest, we would have to admit there is nothing in this scenario that demonstrates Jesus. In fact, the Bible says in 2 Cor. 3:17, where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. There is certainly no element of control in freedom.
A huge part of my healing journey included Christian counseling. God introduced me to an amazing woman who always led me back to God’s truth–over feelings, over circumstances, over tradition, over culture, even over pain. She would often say love is freedom. It’s freedom for me…and it’s allowing others freedom as well.
There could be a bazillion reasons, I suppose, for us to exercise this illusion of control we are convinced we inhabit. Fear is usually a huge factor. Often we have been in situations in life where we felt powerless, where we felt vulnerable and we have made a silent pact with ourselves to never let that happen again. Selfishness is definitely a factor as well. We have made a decision, consciously or not, that our opinions, priorities, plans, desires, etc. matter more than anyone else’s and maybe even that we ourselves mean more than others as well. Worry is often an element , thinking if we pause for one minute and don’t keep all the plates spinning-our whole world will come crashing down.
Whatever our motive for exercising this fantasy of power, at its root-it is bondage. It’s a never-ending task to be constantly be aware of our circumstances, manipulating outcomes and others to suit our agenda. It’s a preoccupation with the temporary, with things that most likely have no eternal impact.
The only bit of control we have is self-control, it’s a fruit of the Spirit. Ironically, we were never told to try and control our circumstances, to monitor or have dominance over others, to concern ourselves with manipulating end results. Inhabiting this fruit of self-control requires us submitting or yielding to a Sovereign God; allowing His truth to govern our fears, our worries, our selfishness so that we are able to trust Him and walk in freedom. There is so much freedom in believing scripture and that He is working all for our good and for His glory as Romans 8:28 says. There is freedom in knowing He already knows all of our days and nothing ever takes HIm by surprise. There is freedom in being childlike waking to each new day and trusting our Father will take care of us.
Gal. 5:16 says, but I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. (ESV) Control is a desire of the flesh, it’s an attempt to be like God. It’s ugly but it’s true. He is the Sovereign Lord, on the throne, ever aware of every single bit of everything seen and unseen, everywhere with everyone–that was never our job, not even in our own lives. Dying to self allows us to surrender our preoccupation with orchestrating, trusting God has not only a limitless view of all things, but also an incredibly better process to far superior outcomes we know nothing about. Not my will be done, but Thy will be done.
191003
Marla Geiger 