55 Lessons and Gems

Posted bymarlageigerPosted inbeauty, Bible, boundaries, change, christian living, enemy, forgive, forgiveness, God, grace, happy birthday, hurt, identity, Jesus, joy, lies, love, marriage, new, new year, offender, opinions, pain, parenting, righteousness, self absorption, self confidence, self esteem, self help, self love, selfishness, social media, suffering, sufficient, trials, value, women, worth, wounds

As I approached my 55th birthday, I began pondering things I have gleaned throughout my earthly journey. Lessons and gems I have learned, often the hard way, or gathered in retrospect. And while I was reviewing my life, I decided to note what I would have liked to share with my younger self. This is that list.

  1.  Chase Jesus.  This, by far, bears the most weight of anything and everything in your entire life, Marla.  Jesus is the answer for everything, every time for everyone.  Learn what He says about you and your identity and believe it.  He is your Creator and no one else’s opinion matters, not even yours.  
  1. Be good to your body, you only get one.  Make exercise a priority and regular part of life at a young age so you are more apt to continue it as part of life each day as you age.  
  1. Accept the truth that you, Marla, are a filthy, wretched sinner in desperate need of God’s grace.  This levels the playing field and nullifies any notion of self righteousness you may have.  This will allow you to shower grace endlessly and abundantly, to others.  His grace is sufficient for you and absolutely everyone else-even those who have caused you pain.  
  1. Toss out notions of fairy tales, they are fantasy.  They hinder your perception of reality and do not align with God’s Word.  Comfort and self-seeking are not fertile ground for becoming more like Jesus.  
  1. Forgive your parents.  They are/were wounded and flawed just like you are and they did the best they could.  You will not be a perfect parent either and will be in need of grace as well.  
  1. Never believe (or say), “I will never.”  The enemy will devise a plan to show you how very wrong you are.  You are capable of anything given the right set of circumstances and emotions.
  1. Silence the should haves, the if onlys, the what ifs.  They foster regret and looking back and you are not going that direction.  
  1. Give your children freedom to be who they are not a fulfillment of what you wished you had done or what you want for them.  Reassure them often that nothing they do or don’t do can negate your love for them.  
  1. Love deeply…beyond family and friends.  Love your server, love your postman, love your garbage man, love the sales clerk.   
  1. Volunteer with those society deems less than.  Love them.  Build a relationship with them.  It will split your heart wide open and cultivate immeasurable compassion. 
  1. True love gives.  God gave you Jesus.  He gives you love.  He gives you grace.  He gives because He is love, not because you deserve it–because the truth is-you certainly don’t.  Give–give your time, your money, your gifts, your talents, your self, love–GIVE FREELY!
  1.  There are no remedies in self.  Our world seems to come up with notions of self as remedies for all the hollow places in our lives.  We have tried self confidence, self respect, self sufficiency, self exaltation, self enhancing, self esteem, self help and the latest fad is self love.  You are a fallible human and you do not hold the answer to your healing and completeness.  Jesus is the only answer for everything you are seeking.
  1. Rest often and don’t feel guilty about it.  Even Jesus took a nap in the middle of the storm and would seek time away from everything and everyone to foster restoration in God.  
  1. Be intentional about everything:  the words you speak, the actions you  take or don’t take, the way you love, the things you deem important, the way you spend your money, the way you spend your time–all of this and more.  
  1. Journal often.  Spill out those thoughts, emotions, processing of circumstances, prayers, anything and everything. It’s a release to free your mind from carrying it alone and indefinitely.
  1. Never stop learning.  Make it a habit to learn daily.  It can be a hobby, a recipe, information from a google search, insight from a child or wise person.  You are most stifled when you think you know it all.  
  1. Notice and enjoy nature.  Look at the sky, spend time near water, watch the birds.  Marvel at the change of seasons.  Drink in the beauty and simplicity of God’s creation.  
  1. Do yoga and meditation.  It’s so much more than stretching, it calms the mind.  This fosters a stillness that you are often too scheduled to experience otherwise.  
  1. Live simply.  From calendars, to things, to meals, clothing.  Less is more.
  1. Apologize often. You are a filthy sinner with a selfish nature bent toward self absorption.  You get it wrong daily.  Don’t let the enemy deceive you into thinking otherwise.
  1. Descend in status, possessions, chasing money, number of activities, self importance.  This is the path to abundant living-less of self and all that that entails.
  1. Reevaluate how you celebrate Christmas and Easter, especially once you have accepted God’s gift of salvation.  Pause and reflect that those who don’t believe in Jesus celebrate the same way you do.  What can you change to intentionally focus the celebration on Jesus?  
  1. Don’t indulge your kids with “things”.  Put that money toward a memorable family time, save it for college or transitioning to independence from the family home.  Most of the things purchased for birthdays and Christmas will end up in a dumpster before the next celebration.  
  1. Instead of asking “why me?”, ask “what can I learn in this situation?”  Your sufferings were meant to refine you and make you more like Christ–not to paralyze you and keep you in a pit of self absorption. 
  1. Marriage is not the end all, be all.  There are over 31,000 scriptures in the Bible.  Roughly 368 of them are about marriage.  That’s only 1%!  Of course marriage is a beautiful thing, but is not intended to be your sole purpose or source of fulfillment.  That spot is reserved for Christ alone.
  1. Commit to regular self examination.  What’s on the throne of your heart?  Be honest about what is most important.  If you are honest, at times it may be finding love.  Other times it may be your children, your self sufficiency, your husband–I know it’s ugly but it’s true.  What you can’t acknowledge, you won’t be prompted to surrender.  
  1. You are on a mission trip, Marla. This is not your home, You are a citizen of heaven. Each one of us is here for a specified amount of time to fulfill a unique purpose. This is training ground to be made more like Jesus and to be a support to others suffering, just as you will/have. You would never travel outside your home country on a mission trip and make it your ambition to acquire possessions or status or wealth for yourself. It’s ludicrous. You are here, temporarily, for Him.
  1. Train up your children in the way they should go  and when they are old, they will not depart from it.  Recognize from this scripture, they will go.  It’s God’s design.  They are not yours to keep, Marla.  Also, recognize it says, “when they are old”.  Let this be fair warning that they may cut up in the meantime and question their faith. Don’t freak out!!  Let them have their journey, just as you had yours.  Let them know why they believe what they believe.  Allow them the same freedom God has allowed you.   
  1. Learn and practice self care.  Enjoy crafts and hobbies, take time to be still in a hot bath or go to the gym and exercise.  Spend some time thinking about what relaxes and refreshes you and do those things regularly.  
  1. Release offenses.  Don’t spend time repeatedly discussing or even thinking of how you have been wronged or offended, stirring up negative emotions all over again.  No good comes from this. 
  1. Pray FIRST…before talking to friends, before sharing on social media, before even searching for a solution in your own ability.  
  1. Linger over smells and savor the taste of good food.  Take time to be grateful even for these little things.
  1. Get lost in worship-at church, in your car or in the shower–whatever space allows you this privilege.  It reframes your mind and heart and helps you refocus on what really matters. 
  1. Be committed to banning comparison, envy and jealousy from your mind, heart and soul.  No good comes from these things.  You are unique.  No one was created to be just like you and you weren’t created to be just like anyone else. Enjoy your journey.
  1.  Do not promote the insanity of performance/perfectionism for yourself, your spouse, your children or anyone else–ever.  These impossible standards are useless for absolutely everyone.  Using this method to evaluate anyone, including self, is aligning with the enemy’s schemes.  
  1.  Love is not self seeking.  You, Marla, will spend most of your years seeking love.  Nowhere in scripture does it support you chasing any earthly or human methods for fulfillment of love.  That is reserved for God alone.  You are not to pursue “getting” love, but rather giving love.  
  1.  Pay attention to your passions, those desires handcrafted in your heart by God.  Most likely they are weaved into your purpose.  
  1. Don’t worry about being qualified for what God is asking you to do.  He will open doors regardless of training and college degrees.  His gifting to you is priceless and just as valuable as any earthly qualifications. 
  1.  Slow down!  Time seems to pass more rapidly as you age.  Enjoy your surroundings, enjoy alone time, enjoy rest, enjoy the company of others (minus electronics).  Enjoy the sights and sounds and simple pleasures while on this mission trip.
  1.  Be predictably positive.  Give those around you, and even yourself, the joy of not being governed by your feelings and circumstances.  No one should have to guess what they are about to encounter at the sight of you–especially children.  
  1.  Study the Bible.  Invest in a Bible you understand when you read it or one that has an explanation in the footnotes so you understand the life application of the scriptures.  It doesn’t do you any good to read it if you don’t understand it or apply it to your life.  Google search the meaning of passages, read commentaries, meditate  on His truth.  It will change your life.  
  1.  Be still and pray.  Pray always–while cooking or driving or whenever and wherever, but also take time to be still and just sit in His presence.  It’s overwhelming.  Picture Jesus sitting right there with you.  Pray out loud…and take time to listen, for His response, for His leading, for His instruction.  It’s incredible.
  1.  Laugh often!  Dance and be silly and enjoy life.  Be fun and have fun-with your spouse, kids, friends, coworkers, everyone.  Radiate joy!!
  1.  Have a no spend month periodically.  Use what you have and spend as little as possible on only groceries and necessities.  One of my friends declared no new clothing for a year.  These little seasons will make you mindful of what you truly need and how you can be better a steward of what God has given you.  
  1.  Always remember the church is the Body of Christ, not a building.  Keep in mind, the church is made up of redeemed, fallible sinners, including you, who certainly won’t always get it right.  Never let people keep you from Jesus.  Even Christians are lousy representatives of Him on our best days.  
  1.  Share your story!  Share your story of pain, share your story of transformation, share your story while you are wounded, share your victory in Christ.  There is power in your testimony for Christ and there is glory for Him as well.  And not only that, but others who have survived seasons similar to yours can offer encouragement and hope to you in the midst of your valleys as well as you can theirs.   
  1.  Everything is for a season–EVERYTHING!!  Jobs, church memberships, friendships, serving/volunteering at a specific place, raising children, even our marriages won’t carry over into heaven.  Some seasons are long, some are not.  You have to be willing to let go at the urging of the Holy Spirit moving forward to what’s next on the list of God’s plans for you..
  1.  Keep foolishness at a distance.  LIve a peaceful, quiet life.  Don’t let the enemy draw you near drama and arguing.  Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.  Freedom to agree to disagree and love others exactly where they are.  That’s exactly what Jesus does for you.  It doesn’t mean you have to be silent and never share your thoughts or God’s truth–but you need to listen to the leading of the Holy Spirit to know if the timing is right according to God’s Will.  
  1.  Toss offendedness in the trash like the rotten food it is.  Offendedness is rooted in selfishness, making everything about you.  It’s ugly but true.  Can you think of a time Jesus was offended?  Angry, but not offended.  
  1.  STOP believing lies.  You will hear and see things on social media often that support ideas like someone who loves you would never hurt you or if someone wants to spend time with you they will make time and a million other falsities that slither in your mind pointing back to fulfillment of your own agenda.  Someone you love has a greater ability to hurt you than someone you don’t know just given the dynamics of the relationship and the truth that we are all sinners.  And the time thing–can we all agree we wish we had more of it?  There are people you will deeply love and not see often.  Each time you take things personal, you are making things about you again.  We are all way too good at that.  
  1.  You will never experience the fullness of what God has for you in your comfort zone.  Never.  Comfort zones don’t build faith.  
  1.  Beauty as defined by the world and culture is nothing like it is defined by Christ.  There is freedom in not worrying so much about your outward appearance.  Spend that time cultivating your soul with God.  
  1.  If you don’t know God’s truth, you will not be able to recognize the lies of the enemy.  Jesus won his battle in the wilderness against the enemy who twisted scripture by Him knowing the absolute truth.  
  1.  Stop the madness of New Year’s resolutions!  Seek God and ask Him what He has for you.  Making ridiculous goals and not following through sets us up for failure at best.  Let’s ask God for some New Year/new day refining and let Him decide what that looks like.  
  1.  And lastly…daily, more of your blood needs to be on the floor.  You need to die to self in ways you can’t even comprehend yet–but God knows.  There seems to be a mystery that stirs about surrender.  Your story of surrender will look like you relinquishing your  preconceived notions, your desires,your ideas, your heart and your mind to God’s truth and allowing it to be the governing source of your life.  It sounds too simple, but as we exchange our minds for His truth, He transforms not only our minds but our hearts.  Freedom is on the other side of dying to self.  

2 thoughts on “55 Lessons and Gems”

  1. You have truly been blessed by God with wisdom….. from your past, about your life now, and the future you hope for. I am so proud and literally excited to have you in my life and how you effect my own life, as well as the lives of others in your world. These past 55 yrs may not have always been kind to you but they have been fruitful, because you are allowing God to teach you from it all. This journey you just shared is something I plan to keep as a roadmap for my own life, a reminder to be present, and a epitath to your kind and beautiful soul. I love you with alllll of my heart and am thankful God gave you to Ron and although he left both you and I, he left you with me. Your biggest fan ❤️ and BFF, Carol Diane Brock

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