Unwritten

Listening to Natasha Beddingfield recently–Unwritten.  I played this at both Kal and Elle’s graduation open houses with their picture videos.  This particular day, the words inspired me–for me. I am turning 60 this year and often feeling like life–true life is over; the best years, the fun years, the adventurous years, the healthy years, the years that society values you and thinks you have anything to offer.

As I listened to the words-staring at the blank page before you…the rest is still unwritten, I thought of how many women (maybe people) may feel similar to me? I thought of writing a book called “Unwritten” to inspire those with like minds to LIVE but first I need to get out of survival mode and do it myself.  Then, I thought of how I long to live in a camper and travel, or a small place by the water; a simple life with few possessions.  How I long to write and pour into others, loving them until they love themselves and see their worth in Christ.  The dreams I have, the dreams I have forgotten.  I struggle to remember the last season of my life that I was truly peaceful knowing I was smack dab in the middle of God’s will. I suppose it was five years ago when I was counseling and writing.  I am peaceful in my heart because of Jesus but on the outside, life’s demands often just swallow me up and steal so much time.  It seems more times than not I want to live a life so opposite of what I get up and do every single day–and so I am asking myself, why is that?

Each day, my life (and yours) is getting shorter. I wonder how many others may be having all or some of these same thoughts or feelings?  Is this what people label a mid-life crisis? If so, what a shame!  It seems like anything but that.  It feels like a passion to reevaluate my life and most of what that entails and intentionally live with meaning and purpose.  How am I spending this one brief midst because it means something; I have a unique purpose. I desperately want to know at the end of this earthly life, I brought Him glory and I made a difference for Him and His Kingdom. It’s honestly the whole reason I am here, not for myself, but for Him.  And so, if I am blowing it because I am allowing myself to be swallowed up by life’s demands and I am pausing to consider pivoting–how is that a crisis?  Mid-life? Sure.  Crisis?  It seems this would be coming out of crisis and moving toward calling.

The definition of calling is a strong inner impulse toward a particular course of action especially when accompanied by conviction of divine influence.

That’s it! I have been here before–about five years ago when I was so peaceful; counseling, writing, loving and pouring into others.  But since then life got hectic and it was a slow fade of being tossed to and fro from one crisis to another, some lasting longer than others–some valleys I am still navigating–and if I am honest, likely need to make some tough decisions to exit.  

So, why am I sharing this?  Because I can’t believe for one minute that I am the only person that is in this place.  I am sharing to connect.  I am sharing to say, you (and I) are not alone.  I am sharing to say, there is more than survival mode.  I am sharing to remind you as I was reminded, you have a unique purpose for which you were created that literally no one else can fulfill–no one, and you have this one brief midst to do it.  I am sharing to encourage you to examine your life, examine your habits, examine mindless routines.  Challenge yourself to reignite those passions or maybe you will take a whole new journey of discovery.  I am sharing to say, no matter our age, as long as God still has us on this earth, He still has something for us to do.  We still have blank pages, we still have plenty of “unwrittens”.

As women, we get lost in the caretaking of our families-our husbands, children, parents, and with all of life’s other demands, it’s so common for our self care including any hobbies and passions to get packed away in a storage box, tossed up in the attic and pushed to the farthest, darkest, back corner.  And sometimes those things that set our soul on fire stay packed away so long, we can’t even remember what those things are.  I have talked to so many women that literally can’t remember what they truly love and enjoy.  And that’s alright.  It’s heartbreaking, but it’s alright because we can find out what those things are now. We may discover we find those passions to be the same as they once were or uncover new exciting desires in our heart that God reveals to us.  

This is the exact scenario in my life over the last few years.  But God!  He is not done with me.  He gave me (and you) gifts, talents and desires and He is going to keep reminding us, keep stirring us, keep pressing them on our hearts even louder than life’s clamor. 

As I peer over the threshold of this milestone birthday, I recall this time last year.  I made a promise to myself then, that I would not allow myself to be in the same exact place this year; in survival mode, swallowed up by life, pushing my gifts to be used for Him and His Kingdom to the last priority section of life’s to do list.  So I have been intentional about seeking Him and just as I suspected, He is showing me the way to go and I am more than excited to walk in it!  

Even in old age they will still produce fruit…

Psalm 92:14