Still You Pursue…

it all clicked with me when i was driving home tonight.

i’ve felt very alone the last year or so in my life. i’ve been trying to fight my own battles and do it without Him, and instead of running to Him, i’d turned to some unhealthy habits & a nasty eating disorder to help fill this void i have. my anxiety has never been higher, i’ve never felt more insecure, and i have never been more depressed.

I’ve come to the conclusion i can run as far and wide as i want to. i can do the greatest things, succeed, & continue to try and prove my worth to other people, show people all of the good qualities i possess, and try to flaunt all of the amazing things about myself. but without His love, none of it matters.

i’ve ran from my greatest friends, mentors, and my Oakbrook family. i’ve ran from God, ive ran from anything that has to do with Him. I had reached a new all-time low for myself and continued to wonder “what am i missing?” & the hard truth i had to face was that i have been missing exactly what i’ve been running from.

the statement “when i withdraw, still You pursue” is such a simple statement but it’s so powerful and so, so true. every time i run from Him, He always pops back up in my life at the least expected times. tonight i had my phone on shuffle, and lately whenever a faith-based song plays i immediately change it. for some reason, i decided to keep this song on. immediately when i heard these words, i broke down in tears, i cried so hard i had to stop driving. i felt the love of God just surround me. what did i do to deserve this love? i’ve done nothing but be bitter & angry towards God. why does He still want me?

that’s just it. that’s the love He has for me and all of us. He doesn’t care how many times you’ve been broken and ran from Him. He wants all of you, every imperfection, every “no” you’ve given Him, every time you’ve ignored a calling He’s had for you. He uses these things to build our character and our story. His love is crazy, reckless, overwhelming, and relentless. people will disappoint you, fail you, and leave you. but one thing i’ve learned, and i’ve definitely learned it the hard way, is the one thing i was running from was the thing that would never leave me or disappoint me.

i can honestly say i have walked so many paths of life, i’ve traveled every road there is. i’ve been through hell and back trying to make it on my own. truth is, i was running in circles trying to fight my battles alone.

i can withdraw all i want to, but eventually it’s presented to me that i’m only hurting myself. and, in the end, He will always pursue me.

Transparent, precious words shared by someone precious to me and given her permission, shared with you just as it was written…

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